ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh life

So today tested my patience a little. I made roasted Pears and this girl in my class who i am starting to like less and less took them outof the open while they were cooking . I couldn't find them for a while because she hide them in the room and when i asked what happened to the roasted pears she screams across the room " I took them out, my rabbit needs to braise" . I was like look, if you didn't preheat your oven that's not my fault. Don't fucking take shit out of the oven, it's rude and you're not helping anyone out by doing that. Then I went the post office to get a package and they find every reason to not give it to me. I tried containg my anger but ended up punching the window and screaming at the lady behind it, who's the rudest person in the world. I have been there three times in 5 days and it's the same shit. I am sorry we can't give it to you , blah blah blah. So tomorrow my mom is picking it up because if i step in there again, there is going to be another Columbine. I got home and just wanted to relax and fall asleep, but then i realized I need to make all these phone calls. So I didn't end up taking a nap. I also decided that this week I am going to keep to myself, because everyone and I mean EVERYONE is in some weird mood. Things arent going the way people want and it's frustrating. I know I am frustrated with some aspects of my life right now, but I am trying to be patient and hope that things will come all in good time. I am buying tickets to Antony and the Johnsons sometime this week and seeing how much Depeche Mode is for. haaaaaaaaa. Also I hate having crushes ..... it sucks..... because I am always nervous and never know what to say. I am also really liking the fact that Maia and I are going to Quaker Meeting every sunday, it's a nice routine.... Some interesting people are there.


This song seems to describe me right at this moment.

This time I won't show I'm vulnerable This time I won't give in first This time I will hold out with my love This time I will not be hurt I'm gonna love myself More than anyone else I'm gonna treat me right I'm gonna make you say That you love me first And you'll be the one with the most to lose tonight This time This time I won't let my emotions rule my life This time I'm gonna keep my heart locked safe inside This time I'm gonna be my own best friend This time I'm gonna be the one To win Your love Your affection To hide My fear Of rejection This time


tracy chapman's this time ..... I felt this way 4 years ago around this time of year and I feel the same now.