ladybird flying

what if you decide you no longer want me by your side. You decided. You don't know what happened, i am not sure either, but i AM TIRED and giving up for now. Maybe one day we can talk about it but right now , I don't see that happening for years. I pray for you every night and hold nothing but sadness, disappointment and love. I have love for you... I was always love for you... I hope one day you truly see that. I won't let your ACTIONS NOR WORDS make me dispirited. I love you , Aerin. I do. I am just thinking that maybe this summer wasn't a good idea. It doesn't make me feel good you're telling people I am crazy at a birthday party. Everything gets back to me. I don;t want any part of it. I am cutting all ties. I need conserve myself. Big things are happening and you are lost and it's heartbreaking for me to see and be a part of it. I wont take blame for your sadness or guilt anymore. I am moving on. I hope one day you can be sober and love yourself and give yourself the salvation you crave. I have been there for you and you refuse to see that. I feel like you wake up every couple of months and then jump back into that downward spiral. no more baby. This little ladybird has flown away and finding beauty in things that will give back and not just take. May you be blessed, really.