I can't continue to lie to myself.

That's it, once i get my check from my job I am buying a ticket to california. I am seeing some friends graduate and seeing some before they go back home. I need to get out of NYC. I need to be a little crazy right now. I am embracing it because it's a part of me. I am going to listen to the same song over and over again and cry for reasons , I have yet to understand. I miss you Dave- R.I.P. I wish you never drowned, just like your idol, Jeff Buckley. I wish I was there to pull you out, to save you from your death. I can't stop feeling this way and no matter how many times people say, they'll listen, they never do. I just feel so overwhelmed by everything, and numb at the same time. I keep feeling like I need to just scream and cry but I can't. Yesterday I saw the full moon, she gave me strength, I just have yet to speak to the ocean and she'll give me the push. They won't listen, no one understands, and I don't want to bother anymore. I just hide everything, everything goes into a cycle , no matter how hard I try , I can't seem to break it. Maybe that's why I continue to move, to get away from everyone who does this to me. I can't live with my family any longer. I miss my brother wherever he is. It's been 4 months Richie, call me, please, I am drowning, without you.
I just need a hug.