All these gentleman and all their foolish games

so something funny happened yesterday. I went on a date and well let's just say I ended up being the friend instead of the date. The guy I went on the date with was kissing his " best friend" on the lips, pecks really but it still weirded me out. They also had a lot of flirtatious energy. After we left the pool place I ended up standing next to him while he was holding his friend's hand, when i went to reach for his hand, he let go. So I said I needed to go, when I left he told me to call him and i said " you know what, let's spice it up a little, why don't you call me" I just kept on walking. So I guess I am back to square one, just walking this road alone one more time. I laughed about it today because shit like this always happens to me. So I told Martin from now on I am not allowed to date anyone unless he screens them first, because I pick some winners........ and I am done with that. So right now the only love interest I have is the one I have had since age 12 ..... Jeff Buckley.

martin and the new haircut i gave him...... see how happy he is about it!!!! 

Like the hair ???????????  

AND I AM DONE

So I have decided that I will no longer be friends with David, he's been a fucking asshole to me for months now and I am not going to take it any longer. Everytime I talk or hang out with him, it's just mountains of negativity. Everything is always horrible, everything is always not worth it and to be honest, we are all allowed those feelings but i just can't deal with it when it's 24/7 with someone. Not only that, but it takes a lot for me to share feelings, songs, poetry, anything with anyone and everytime I do he laughs at it or just totally disrespects me . So fuck David and all his shit, I am no longer a part of it. I will no longer try and take him out and cheer him up. I hope sometime in the near future things clear up, but if they don't then all i can say is that he isn't trying. Sorry, I just had to vent, I am tired of him. In good news, I am waking up early to finish up some homework and then going to class and then going to see ANTONY AND THE JOHNSONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYA GOOOOOOO MEEEEEE. I HAVE AN EXTRA TICKET IF ANYONE WANTS TO SEE THEM WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK I GOTTA FINISH MY WORK. PEACE EVERYONE.

I love this motherfucker, he makes me laugh in almost every movie he's in.... thanks man!!!!!!!!! GO SEE WEDDING CRASHERS 

steven strait 

These two remind me of each other ....they could be brothers, Steven Strait and Tim Foley.... One I don't know and the other I lived with for a couple of months.... Is it weird that I miss Tim, I think so, I don't know he was a strange guy but we had our good times, I just can't believe he's getting married and when I think of it I get kinda sad, I don't know why. 

His favorite album is " Jeff Buckley's " Live at Sin-e" ............. ahhhhhhhhhh Irish men named Cillan Murphy make my heart go thump thump 

One of my favorite photos by the great Charles Gatewood. People, you gotta check out his stuff. 

my little buddy Marlon Saunders..... He's a singer and I am seeing him later tonight, that is if I can go straight home and catch some sleep and still manage to study for my Quiz that I have tomorrow. If not, I am sure we'll have lunch and we'll laugh about people in nyc and talk about how many damn churches they have up in Harlem 

Mario, if you are reading this, I miss talking with you late at night. I am going to try and stay up late on saturday nights so we can talk for hours the way we used to. I miss you my little mexican!  

a statement by my friend Christina

making love is a VERY broad and ideally, making love occurrs with every action he takes with you

i go to bed with the prayer that you'll make love to me

I don't know why but I'm feeling so sadI long to try something I never hadNever had no kissin'Oh, what I've been missin'Lover man, oh, where can you be?The night is cold and I'm so aloneI'd give my soul just to call you my ownGot a moon above meBut no one to love meLover man, oh, where can you be?I've heard it saidThat the thrill of romanceCan be like a heavenly dreamI go to bed with a prayerThat you'll make love to meStrange as it seemsSomeday we'll meetAnd you'll dry all my tearsThen whisper sweetLittle things in my earHugging and a-kissingOh, what I've been missingLover man, oh, where can you be?
you need to listen to the billie holiday remix, it's beautiful

Addictions

Whenever I felt bad I used to just eat, eat eat. Now I walk walk walk, until I end up somewhere I have no idea how I got to. Yesterday, was one of those days, I walked everywhere until I found myself in Battery Park admiring the harvest moon, my favorite moon. I stayed there until 2 am and then walked home. My new addictions are listening to my ipod so intensly I don't know there is a world around me. I want to hide myself from everyone, just become one with music and I can't do that if i hear all the noise around me. I am also getting addicted to my kickboxing class. This week at school was a bad one, I kept making mistakes and I know that that is expected of me, but it's like this new chef doesn't ever look pleased with me and I just want her to. The tears are streaming down my face and ALL I want to do is escape far away from here. I wish I had a car, I would be deadly with it. Drive it everywhere. I had a dream last night that I had a car and I drove it all the way to Prince Edward Island, Canada. I know I would, I am insane like that so maybe it's better I don't have one. My bathroom is getting remodeled and I can't wait till it's done because I want to soak myself in a bath. My father leaves to Puerto Rico this thursday and will be there for 2 weeks, thank god. I fucking hate that motherfucker. I don't care and he's not really my father in the first place, he's someone who just took that title for power. My friend Maia called me and wants to live in an apartment with me so right now I need to work extra hard and not spend anymore money. I want to have a place by November, by the time I graduate from Culinary School. I need to get out this hellhole. I am actually doing well you know. I been working hard at school and keeping weekends somewhat free to hang out with people or just myself. I love being by myself but lately I want to take a buddy on my city adventures, last night Aaron and I hung out for a while . We talked about the girl he's dating and about the boy I had two dates with. I think his girl seems promising. I don't expect mine to be, I don't expect anyone to be. But who knows maybe I'll get surprised. I think today I feel like going to Central Park and climbing some rocks. Also I have been competely OBESSED with the new Coldplay album. I love those boys.
Peace

thanks to all of u who said that " cynthia, i like your long hair, you don't look like a dyke anymore"! nice, real nice 

I love my boots, how about you? I love my hair long too.  

classic, classic. 

comment, anyone? 

I miss that hair cut, but for now I can't have it because my next look is going to be long curly hair, which i haven't sported since 7th grade 

my brother seducing the camera, that's why he gets the ladies!  

wow i can't believe that was just back in spet, I feel like it was ages ago.... 

My fire escape knows this face very well 

Ricardo

My twin brother is having a baby boy, well not him per se, his girlfriend. His name is going to be Joshua Daniel Mendez. My sister and I helped my brother pick the name, because he wanted to name it Ricardo Daniel Mendez the 2nd, and I wasnt about to have that. So Shaina, his gf, is supposed to give birth Aug 22, I am kinda excited about it. I am going to be an Auntie, never would I have thought that at 20 years old I would be an auntie. My brother came to visit a couple of days ago and it was nice to see him again, he just came out of rikers, real nice right. I just hope he gets his act together and gets himself a job because that baby can't support itself.

Anyway I gotta finish this final recipe and then take a shower and get my ass to school early because I have an EXAM today, after school it;s straight to BED. THE MOST WONDERFUL PLACE IN THE WORLD.

THAT NOSE BABY, THAT NOSE 

I swear I have the biggest crush on this motherfucker.....  

Was caught drowning in reality. Immortalized in infamy. Senses masked by obscurity but I saw you emerge to salvage me..... 

Federico Garc�a Lorca -otro amor mio.enreda mi mente por d�as. Debussy


Mi sombra va silenciosa
por el agua de la acecia.

Por mi sombra est�n las ranas
privadas de las estrellas.

La sombra manda a mi cuerpo
reflejos de cosas quietas.

Mi sombra va como inmenso
c�nife color violeta.

Cien grillos quieren dorar
la luz de la ca�avera.

Una luz nace en mi pecho,
reflejado, de la acequia.


- Federico Garcia Lorca
 

After having a long night..... I look cracked out while Martin looks hot as always.... I look better in some other pictures I have coming up. This is in the East Village in front of some bar where some interesting characters go to... 

I fucking want to meet these kids, this is one of the funniest pictures, I have ever seen.... 

Martin and I.... great friends.... 3 and half years and counting....