the man that got away

Sometimes I think I am doomed to be like the women that I love so much, like Billie Holiday or Edith Piaf. Women who have amazing love stories that could never make it work. I don't talk to anyone anymore, because all I get is judgement. I just want to be alone in this love. Does anyone ever feel that way. I want to be like the songs I love so much. That old school love doesn't exist anymore, if people want a piece of it, they just go see movies. Should I feel blessed or cursed that I have had it. It's so painful for me not to have him in my life. Today walking with the kids in Oakland, I thought about that movie " love me if you dare" and what if in a way that's us. It never works, shit gets crazy, we spend years away but then one day comes, it rains and we know it's the right time. Maybe I am too much of a fucking romantic. I am not of this time or world. I feel like an outcast. I am glad I chose not to speak to anyone about this because I feel like no one would understand and it's not for them to. It's for me to.