I AM NOT TURNING INTO SOMETHING I AM NOT

So I need a vacation now! I don't have the funds to leave so I have to wait a while. But when I do it'll be great. I decided I am not going to give up my dignity or integrity because of money. So I really want my own place, but that might have to wait 3 months, because every time I talk to this man, he makes my stomach turn and I want to grab a knife and kill myself, because I can't believe what I am doing. So fuck him, let him pick another girl. I just don't have it , to pry into over people's lives, and have him get off on it. I am still waiting on this espresso girl position and then once I get my hours for those , I can start doing my own personal cheffing thing. I can't handle creeps anymore. I am done with fucking disgusting, weird mutherfuckers.
This weekend was a weird one. I had a meltdown yesterday for several reasons, but one of then was because of the reason above . Another reason was missing Dave, yesterday I felt his spirit, I just felt like he was reminding me of who I was again. I wish I could have talked to him before he passed away. I didn't hear from him for 2 weeks, and nex thing i know, he's dead. Life is so sad sometimes. But, I want to thank him for watching over me now. Thanks Dave and you know how much I love you, my dear friend.
I have some good news. I have been hanging out with someone and it's great. We walk around NYC late at night and talk and he revitalizes me. I am glad I kept bumping into him and we are hanging out now..... the rest I will keep to myself.
anyway I gotta go