here is the other one 

This is the other picture 

These are some pictures of my friend Aaron playing. He's always such a blessing to see. He always takes me away to another place with his music 

And here they are again. some hot bitches!!!! 

I love this picture of Marti and her lady Monique! Marti is the one with the really red lips, she's my twin except she's Columbian and gay and I am not. lol 

I love this picture of Marti and her lady Monique! Marti is the one with the really red lips, she's my twin except she's Columbian and gay and I am not. lol 

scary thing

I am going to start posting secrets on this blog from now on. I think I need to just be competely honest with myself.

This man is my hero!!!!!

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4568035

One of my best friends in the whole wide world, Mary Kay and my other friend Sam, who's her boyfriend. I was friends with them seperatly and somewhere along the way they met online and fell inlove. Mary Kay, is probably the only girl i can talk to about having dreams about having sex with walls that are covered in blood and all kinds of bdsm. We always talk about the weirdest shit and i love her for it and not judging me on how weird my taste in men is. Thanks Mary kay 

my friend Mario, from LA, who calls me in the middle of the night to tell me about some adventure he has had, or some new girl he's seeing . He always gets these amazing looking women, awww my mario, the sweetest kid around 

cuz i'm so gay. This should be promotion for a club lol. I don't even remember why i took this picture, i think i was making fun of the lesbians in the bay always having some rainbow colors around them 

My twin brother Ricardo, I miss you , you retard.  

LOVELY DAY!

It never fails. Every spring I start listening to NIN, A perfect Circle and Massive Attack again. It's like the rest of the year , I take a rest from them but every spring and summer i come back to them. I have no idea why this is.
I wish I had some damn balls, I pass John Leguizamo every day, when I take my sister Amari to school and every day I smile and never say anything. He's always taking his 2 kids to school so I don't want to make him late or anything like that. I just hope one day I can stop him for a sec and just tell him he's one of my heros. I need to take a shower , go see who is hiring around the city and get my ass a 2nd job . I need to also get a lock for my gym locker. I lost 2 pounds, its ok I just have to keep working out and making my body sore, it feels good. Ok peace

LOVELY DAY!

It never fails. Every spring I start listening to NIN, A perfect Circle and Massive Attack again. It's like the rest of the year , I take a rest from them but every spring and summer i come back to them. I have no idea why this is.
I wish I had some damn balls, I pass John Leguizamo every day, when I take my sister Amari to school and every day I smile and never say anything. He's always taking his 2 kids to school so I don't want to make him late or anything like that. I just hope one day I can stop him for a sec and just tell him he's one of my heros. I need to take a shower , go see who is hiring around the city and get my ass a 2nd job . I need to also get a lock for my gym locker. I lost 2 pounds, its ok I just have to keep working out and making my body sore, it feels good. Ok peace

strange things

My dad felt bad about screaming at me and just saying horrible things in general so he got me a lap top. He was like " I understand why you want to leave, i am an asshole most of the time but i thought i would get you this lap top , so wherever you move to, you can have a computer to write your songs and download your music. So that was too sweet of him, but sometimes i wonder what's going to come after this lap top, will it be more screaming? In any case, i went to bed early yesterday, I was spent. My cali boxes are supposed to be arriving on Thursday, the company said they would call me, so most likely i will be recieving them friday. Which means, I get to wear my fire doc martens, they have flames on them. I know I know, so 90's but still, i can't get rid of my grunge days. Also my movies come! Ahhhh, chrysa and i are going to have to hustle on this apartment deal, her ex boyfriend is making her life a living hell, she works with him in a cafe and he won't stop harassing her. I have the 2nd nanny interview tomorrow and if all goes well, i start next week I believe. Ok well, I have to go try and find my diploma, get dressed and take my sisters to my grandparents then go to work.
peace

mmmm Perry Ferrell, you got me through boarding school

--> Jane's Addiction - Classic Girl -->

The Down and Dirty

Breathing, touching your skin, fire coming from down below.....
Those are all things my friends have experciencing lately. Everyone has been very excited about their new relationships, jobs and lifes in general. It's so wonderful to see everyone in such lovely high spirited moods. I know that I have to be patient and things will slowly work out, sometimes I just get frustrated at how long it takes. I had a very good conversation with Aaron last night. I was telling him about my concerns about performing in front of people and just my work in general and he was giving me back some great advice. I am really glad I met the people I met, just such amazing souls. I am working on some songs to get together, I need to get some musicians and see if i can start doing performances somewhere. I;ll have to ask around. I have part of a new song on my cell phone machine right now but I need to get a real recorder, because I need some quality sound for writing my songs.

Ok, I need to clear up my room and continue on my Whole Foods application. The woman, Gina, who wants me to nanny for her, called me and told me her kids liked me, so hopefully I'll get this job. If I do it's 450 a week and with my HIV per diem job it should be good. Wish me luck.

Am I the one?

I sing these words, time and time again
to express my life, of being your lover, and your friend
and as the clouds, cry cry cry cry, high above, shed their tears
i'll embrace you, with love, from all your fear

(chorus..varys each time)
am i the one, am i the one that you love
am i the one,hheeyy,
am i the one that you think of
am, am i, am i the one..

oh yeh yeh yeh
a passion in your caress, floats from your fingertips
and i pray for the day, that i hear those prescious words pass through your lips
wishin upon the star, from up above..uhh
that soon you'll look at me baby, and say i'm the one that you love

am i the one, yeh,
am i the one that you love
am i the one, hey hey
am i the one that you think of

dont you make me feel crazy, if i break down and cry
just tell me that you love me baby
even if it is a lie

am, am i
am, am i
am, am i,
am i the one..

Remember this Cynthia

Human time
Invisible thread
Beginning and ending
Vibrant line
Dismantle the world
Human misery
Life is reality
It’s radical
Know yourself
Life isn’t inside the monitor
It’s a voiceless scream
You must accept the reality
Or change it
You
Mustn’t be too
Sensitive
Because what will happen is
Your inner anxiety will become your inner life



I can't listen to other people anymore. I must follow my dreams. It's what feeds my veins

I am in this!!!!!

http://www.vivaloisaida.org/artist/exhibitions.html

A family friend Marlis Momber, has pictures of my brother and I in her books, I have to get copies but if you want to see how the LES was when I was younger and how I remember it, get her stuff. She is an incredible lady.

this is no teen angst

sometimes i don't know why my parents adopted my brother and i. Last night my mom and dad pretty much told me that they doubt me until i prove myself. They said that they have no faith in me until I prove myself. I am just tired of trying to please them. So basically this came out of studying music in the new school and studying culinary arts in a month. I am just tired of this shit. I am having a meeting with Martin and Chrysa this week and we are talking about what areas of nyc we are looking at and when its realistic to move in. I just can't be here for more than 2 months. I don't have any respect, privacy or anything in this house. I can't even concentrate. I know that not paying rent is a huge thing and i am lucky my parents live in this city, but when i think about it, i rather pay money and be able to focus on my work and have mental stability than be constantly sucicidal. My boxes come either thursday- saturday. I can't wait to just see what I left behind. In all honestly I miss my brother, I wish i could have him to hug me last night. I feel alone without him.
ok,
I am done, I am a little on edge today

I feelthe warmth and i know it's love

In the last couple of days, I have been moody and very anti- social and something changed today. I don't know if it's because I woke up feeling lighter and more energized or because the day is so extremely beautiful. I feel as though someone just huged my inner organs. I babysat and then went walking around. I am at home right now because I need to get some stuff done but I am so grateful for today.I love this weather 50's it's perfect, 50's and 60's is my perfect weather. I want to share it with someone but half my friends are on spring break and gone and the rest i can't get a hold of. In any case I feel delicious.
Thanks God
cynthia

new song

walking down the streets aimlessly
searching for someone of substance
only thinking of you
where have you gone?
another girl has taken you away
I'm always too slow in that game.
wishing i was comfortable in my own skin
but all i find is hateful words to think of myself
i am just trying to find my own way
to be comfortable in my own skin
will i ever be ok? will i ever be ok?
the water is weighing in on me
the walls are closing in on me
and i am losing myself in my own life
i hope to walk around aimlessly to try and find my way.



ok i need help

flesh and something extra on the bone

I grab my skin everynight
wishing I could just get rid of it all
take the blade to my skin
digging deep
getting the excess out
and everynight
i dream of doing this
to be accept by you
because you can't accept me as i am
can you accept me as i am?
can you accept me as i am?
I'll take the blade to my skin and cut the excess out
to be skinny for you
look all pretty outside
and feel fucked up inside
will you accept me now?
will you love me now?
will you fuck me now?
will you fuck me now?

light eyes and dark hair are my weakness
and long legs and submission are yours
so now that I'm skinny.... will you love me?

I wanna go higher and closer to my dreams

goapele= closer

I love this video because it reminds me of my first year at mills. Goapele, came to mills and played an intimate show, she is more breathtaking live than in this video. I also like her room, that's excatly how i would decorate mine. Soul Sistah, you're right Martin! There is this naustagia that I keep having for the bay area. I know I'll return shortly I just found myself there and living in nyc sometimes i feel like hiding forever. Not that no one gets me, I just don't feel in my element here at times. There was this serenity over there that I miss. Living in a house were everyone is always screaming at each other gets to me. I don't want to see anyone and I don't want anyone to see me. I feel insane, I feel like kristi Alley in " Fat Actress" and choked. I am always doubting myself and cry constantly. This depression is eating me away. I dream about performing all the time and I know when I get my stuff from california next week that I will feel a bit more grounded.
those are truly my thoughts.

some quiz that my friend sent to me

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked
it.
2. Am I lovable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it
be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but
couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting
stronger, weaker, or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about
anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your profile
and see what I say about you?
21. Wanna make out?

on my cell phone for now

Dancing in the moonlight
I'll sing a song for you
swimming through waves tonight
i'll sing a song for you
if only you'll return
and give me back my smile

Muddy Waters

Right now I am everyone's therapist. It seems like shit hits the fan in the month of march. I am also trying to go to the gym, I need to just go in the morning after I take my sister to school. Tomorrow I can't go , due to babysitting which is nice because this weekend I would really just like to get outta the house and stop sitting in front of the computer for hours searching for another job, apartments and loan programs. It's nice though, I am slowly getting to were I want to be. I ahve been moody the last couple of days and I have no idea why, maybe it's being with my family and just wanting to get all these things done. My friend Mary Kay and her man Sam are having some issues I hope they work out. Martin is depressed about not having a job and a place to live of his own and everyone seems to be calling me for advice about relationships and dating and men and I don't know why they trust me so much. But everynight has been talking to someone and just giving as much as i can. Me, well, that parts tricky. I don't have a love life right now, I am just being for a while. Though someone does interest me. I want spring to come already, the sun has been staying out longer though so that's a very good sign. White people may have the groundhog but everyone else has the ice cream truck, one u hear that faithful song down your street you know spring and summer are just around the corner. For now I gotta put some clothes on, stop roaming around the apartment naked and do laundry and groceries. Peace

walking around and spying

I don't know what you want, and frankly i don't care anymore. memories float like knifes cutting the skin, pink floyd the background of everything and sex to primus.

I will still be on my feet.....

Last night I could feel the depression cloud over me, so I started cooking and left my family with some food. I took a well needed bath and headed over to my friend's jazz performance.Sitting there in the dark corner was just what I needed. I liked just observing everyone and seeing my friend fiercily playing the piano. He's one of those few people that's presence can calm me down. I saw him play for a good two hours and then went up to him and he seemed surprised that I was there. We talked to each other for about 10 mintutes and he introduced me to his band. One of his bandmates said he reconized me from the bay area. Which I find very funny because that's about the 3rd time someone has said that. The bay area is so small and some reason i could never hide in it. He said I dressed like people in the bay area and I figured because women here follow vogue like a bible. There seems to be no sense of self style. In any case I got 2 pina coladas and said goodbye and took a very long walk home looking at everything and just enjoying the fact that I exist and was allowed to watch such a talented band play. I promised my friend Aaron that I would be a better friend but for now I needed more time to figure out this loan thing so I could just get a place of my own or share with one other person which most likely will be Chrysa or Martin. In any case i need to get outta my house. I have gained so much weight from stress and I don't like the way I look or feel here. I need to get back to that place where I am exercising at a normal size and just content. I am going to go back to my joni mitchell playing and cleaning my room. Have a great day!

one of my favorite songs that i need to cover one day

Just before our love got lost you said
I am as constant as a northern star
And I said, constantly in the darkness
Where's that at?
If you want me I'll be in the bar

On the back of a carton coaster
In the blue TV screen light
I drew a map of Canada
Oh Canada
With your face sketched on it twice

Oh you're in my blood like holy wine
You taste so bitter and so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you darling
And I would still be on my feet
Oh I would still be on my feet

Oh I am a lonely painter
I live in a box of paints
I'm frightened by the devil
And I'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid
I remember that time that you told me, you said
Love is touching souls
Surely you touched mine
Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time

Oh you're in my blood like holy wine
You taste so bitter and so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you darling
Still I'd be on my feet
I would still be on my feet

I met a woman
She had a mouth like yours
She knew your life
She knew your devils and your deeds
And she said
Go to him, stay with him if you can
But be prepared to bleed

Oh but you are in my blood you're my holy wine
You're so bitter, bitter and so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you darling
Still I'd be on my feet
I would still be on my feet

you know, you know more than you think , it's for you

My lyrics are playing in a near empty room
Tied together
Mi Corazon
Mi Alma
No se donde comienzo o empiezo
Construct my soul
your black hair so deep and full of tales
cds filled with the sounds of tortured singers
we know so well



ahhhhhhhh i need a nap

so lovely was your ride

I'll dance forever in your embrace
It was a hunting a gathering of souls
united at once
it was my love
your stare



trying to write but i am noticing how old my cat is and she might be passing away soon and to be honest, i don't know how i am going to deal with anything without her. god i sound like a dork. I just love Pimenta so much. I hope she gets better.
in any case it was beautiful waking up to snow this morning.

You are left to your own devises. You feel lonely , like holding my hand would fill your void and stop the trembling. You feel lonely , like saying " I love you" bring back the butterflies in your stomach, that left a long time ago. I'll be left by you, feeling just like you walking down the same street with the same strangers not seeming strange at all. So tell me, why do you keep holding my hand and why do you pretend to love me. It was nice for a while to feel the pain cut so deep, but it landed me on a hospital bed wrapped around in sheets, wishing i did it right the first time.  

Mia Tyler at the 2002 Lane Bryant lingerie fashion show held in the Roseland Ballroom with a performance by KISS.
New York City.
February 2, 2002.
She is so damn beautiful. I love this picture of her 

California by Joni Mitchell

I LOVE THIS SONG ! IT describes me so well 2 years ago.


Sitting in a park in Paris, France
Reading the news and it sure looks bad
They won't give peace a chance
That was just a dream some of us had
Still a lot of lands to see
But I wouldn't want to stay here
It's too old and cold and settled in its ways here
Oh, but California
California I'm coming home
I'm going to see the folks I dig
I'll even kiss a Sunset pig
California I'm coming home

I met a redneck on a Grecian isle
Who did the goat dance very well
He gave me back my smile
But he kept my camera to sell
Oh the rogue, the red red rogue
He cooked good omelettes and stews
And I might have stayed on with him there
But my heart cried out for you, California
Oh California I'm coming home
Oh make me feel good rock'n roll band
I'm your biggest fan
California, I'm coming home

CHORUS:

Oh it gets so lonely
When you're walking
And the streets are full of strangers
All the news of home you read
Just gives you the blues
Just gives you the blues

So I bought me a ticket
I caught a plane to Spain
Went to a party down a red dirt road
There were lots of pretty people there
Reading Rolling Stone, reading Vogue
They said, "How long can you hang around?"
I said "a week, maybe two,
Just until my skin turns brown
Then I'm going home to California"
California I'm coming home
Oh will you take me as I am
Strung out on another man
California I'm coming home

CHORUS:

Oh it gets so lonely
When you're walking
And the streets are full of strangers
All the news of home you read
More about the war
And the bloody changes
Oh will you take me as l am?
Will you take me as l am?
Will you?

beth hart

I love this woman's music and she reminds me of a friend i lost touch with a long time ago, tammy medinger. Anyway I have a new song and I really like where this one is going/ I gotta find a place to record it and get someone to make the music for it. Well translate what's in my head into something real. Anyway I am going to start looking for open mic places and see if i can get my act together by the summer and start performing.
peace
i picked a culinary school. I'll be attending in a month

always writing

I don't have a titile yet but this is what I came up with last night:
And after all I did for you/ Did you really have to go? Then just walk away and leave me the keys
I give up I give up/
I really have no choice
except to lose this faith that I worked to hard to get/

And so you left me with my blues/ Maybe you shouldn't have left because I'm a real big mss/

I give up I give up/ I really have no choice.
They say just take the days as they come/
Slowly and painfully/ I just want them end because life without you is a mask I want to put away.
I give up I give up.
I really have no choice .

there just lingers your haunting voice.
Taunting me at the early morning hours.
I can't hardy speak through my tears.
get away get away.
this is just my memory lane.
playing games with me.

Anyway that's all I have so far. But maybe I'll fine tune it. You know it kills me that I can't play an instrument because I hear the music in my head and it's pissing me off that there is no way i can write it down.

Unfortunatly a true story

Give me your hand
and I;ll take what you're willing to give
The night is breezing through just like life itself
enjoy every moment just like you said to me
Feeling tragic tonight
these dark thoughts
have sucked me dry
there was nothing simple or profound
about your drug abuse
cutting messages to me on your chest
looking for love is never easy
always this
always that
I tripped on the way out of the door
and it made me look at you one more time
Your drug abuse was never simple or profound
just a sore stinging blaze

Some times I am left thinking about you. I hope you're doing ok
Johnathon

These sets of pictures are from my goth days back in 1999. I don't even remember why I even dressed like this. So bad.... I was in England at the time, the girls are all my sisters. That summer I was obessed with : The Damned, Lacuna Coil and HIM.  

god i do look like her 

These are pictures of my room from Mills last year. I am missing my things very much. Listening to my Common and Jill Scott cds... 

Another Kind of Ride

Dropping lemon-lime hearts
Black Soufflé
Pickled diamonds
What a girl really wants
Boogie red sky
Oh my boogie red sky
From those night of dancing in my Saturday night fever
Still have the white lilac dress
Lying in my bed
With the disarray of history notes
The monkey is insatiable
Maybe nothing is, as it seems
Maybe Pearl Jam was right
I have a “wish list” too
I wish I were a cherished memory
“Have you found all my blood?”
“No my black beauty only your soul”
This world is too intransient to get along
Dropping lemon-lime hearts
Black soufflé
Pickled diamonds
Lying in bed
Bleeding black eyes
How hungry I was
The boogie red sky made me think of sour cherry lollipops
Boogie red sky
What a girl really wants

Song

So you promised
Me all the things that you could never keep
Why did I stay so faithfully?

In your eyes
Lay the secrets you keep
Where did you go that
Night
Baby
Left me here all alone
They all say that they’ll stay
But that just a fable that you believed
Why do they promise me the same thing?



I thought my dreams finally came true
Where did you go?
You told me that’s you’ll stay
Why do they all promise you the same thing?
But baby you weren’t being true

the Jill Scott in me

I am as the sun and the moon that collides
I am that girl with the rainbow bright
As I twist and turn in my own view.
We are that nation
That elevation
That feminist inclination
That strong withhold that does love voodoo on you
That woman that gives birth to a new you
Old you
A blue you
We are the misunderstood
Taken for granted, frantic
Love child that gives you that evil smile
That merciful faith that gives you a break
That beautiful mermaid that let`s you swim to your own shores
I am part of that group that lets you dream
Of tomorrows
Yesterdays
Before and afters
I am that shape
Size
Color
That
You dean
Worthless
At times your mind is worthless
I am that woman that got you there
With my intriguing stare
And repair the hearts that once lay broken
I am of that nation
With the feminist inclination
I am that girl with the rainbow bright
That does all those twists and turns that gives you a fright
I am that girl, woman, lover, mother, daughter
Human
I am that
human

New thought (poem)

New thought (poem):
Some people want to die in the lower east side
Some want to fly
I want to soar within its walls
Because these are my roots
My heritage
My home
My place to roam, free from the segregation that bounds adversity
There were gardens here that spoke of community
But that isn’t everything
Money runs this joint and
They are about to smoke it
Smoke it till the community has no place to grow
Into something that we could all find comfort in
When you think about it…
It’s a sin committed within to be so greedy that you feed on the needy

Note :This poem was inspired by the lower east side. There were a lot of gardens, basically the gardens were a place for community and to keep kids from being duggies, drugdealers etc

Last night

seemed to be a long night. I went out with my friend Maia and we went to see Hotel Rwanda and we both cried and it made me feel proud I belong to some activist groups but also made me feel worthless. Anyway I stayed out late by myself, I was feeling a little weird. I don't know what was going on with me. Speechless and aimlessly walking
P.S. on a side not I have to wait a bit to buy the nine inch nails tickets, either way I will go see them again. I was 13 when I last saw them and I will see them again.


Red oh red,
The taste of blood
On lips of wine
Red so silent,
Wait a minute
Or just a little while
What are you looking for,
The taste of red,
The taste of fear
From your seemingly convincing smile
Red oh red,
The taste of blood
On lips of wine
The time is waiting maybe
Takes away from your demise
From your demise
Say you're slippin'
Maybe so
It's not easy
Now you know

Which Dead Rock Star Are You?

"Which Dead Rock Star Are You?"

Jeff Buckley
You are Jeff Buckley! You're influential to many young and old, and very talented. You have charisma and grace that sets you a part from many. You are beautiful! Oh, he died in 1997 from a drug-induced drowning in the Mississippi River.

MY Personality test

* You have to be with people. This extends into the need to gain popularity, achieve social recognition and influence those people around you. The "bottom-line" is a strong people orientation.

* You have a strong feeling of optimism, considered favorably by most people around you. Your perception is that the bottle is half-full rather than half-empty.

* You have a strong sense of humor. You usually know when to lighten a difficult situation, amuse and entertain people.

* You show sympathy to the feelings and needs of others. Your natural empathy style may draw others to you.

* One of your great strengths is your ability to communicate and talk readily. Since all strengths may be overused at times, you may sometimes talk too much.

* You have a natural, outgoing style that some have labeled as the "natural salesperson." You are generally likable, talkative and socially assertive. Your primary intent is convincing or persuading people.

* You are a natural communicator. You love to talk, offer jokes and make sure that everyone is having a good time. This trait is especially evident at functions and outings.

* You can generate enthusiasm in yourself and in other people. Your enthusiasm, often contagious, involves many people in a social activity who might not ordinarily become involved.
any different factors determine the communication styles with which you are most comfortable. Some individuals thrive on the challenge of pointed criticism, while others are at their best in a nurturing environment where criticism is offered as a suggestion for improvement. Each of us has a unique set of requirements and preferences. Below is a list of communication styles that will mesh well with your own. Having a partner who understands and practices these traits is important to your long-term happiness.

* Provide personal support and assurance.

* Ask for opinions and ideas.

* Ask "How" questions to draw out opinions.

* Be stimulating, fun-loving, and fast-moving.

* Share specific ideas to carry out an action.

* Be prepared to listen to many stories.

* Patiently draw out personal interests.

* Work to achieve mutual satisfaction.

* Plan interactions which support dreams and goals.

* Leave plenty of time for socializing and relating.

* Listen sincerely.

Following are some of the specific strengths and/or personal characteristics that you bring to a relationship. These may form the foundations of many of your friendships and dealings with other people. Some will seem obvious, but you may be surprised by others. Take a moment to reflect on each and consider what role it may have played in your past successes, and even failures.

* You tend to be influential in decision-making situations. Others often turn to you for advice.

* You are good at helping others people to reach their goals.

* You are excellent at listening to the concerns and ideas of others.

* You are very supportive of other people.

* You are skilled at finding "win-win" solutions when conflicts arise.

* You have an excellent sense of humor and tend to see humor in events spontaneously.

* You tend to be a very calming influence in heated situations.

* You are good at reconciling (i.e. you don't like to sulk after a conflict is resolved).

* You are optimistic and tend to make others feel good about themselves.

* You take pride in being very loyal to friends and family.

* You are very sincere in actions and words.
n general, human beings are defined by their needs and individuals by their wants. Your emotional wants are especially important when establishing with whom you are compatible. While answering the Relationship Questionnaire you established a pattern of basic, subconscious wants. This section of the report was produced by analyzing those patterns. Our wants change as we mature and obtain our life goals. You may find it valuable to revisit this section periodically to see how your wants have changed.
You may want:

* Acceptance in a variety of groups.

* Equal relations with others.

* Activities involving contact with many people.

* Many activities, so there is never a dull moment.

* An audience to perform to and entertain.

* A variety of activities.

* Support of your ideas and dreams.

* Others to work and play as hard as you do.

* A support system to help you get things done.

* As much travel as possible: short trips, long trips and excursions.

Events that sounded interesting and I'm performing

BLUESTOCKINGS
172 Allen Street @ Stanton (1 block south of Houston)
BY TRAIN: F train's 2nd Avenue stop
212.777.6028
http://www.bluestockings.com/
You will not be turned away from an event
at Bluestockings for lack of $

Tuesday, March 15th @ 7pm - Free
Reading: Jennifer Baumgardner "Grassroots"
Longtime collaborators Amy Richards and Jennifer
Baumgardner are back with "Grassroots: A Field
Guide To Feminist Activism". In "Grassroots", they
tackle a question begged by their first book
"Manifesta" by addressing the meaning of being a
feminist. They draw on their own experiences and
provide for feminists of all ilks (from high
school students to stay-at-home dads) suggestions
and steps to engaged and change the world.

Friday, March 18th @ 7pm - Free
Performance: Creative Evolution
This is Creative Evolution: poets, monologists,
musicians, story-tellers, sketch performers and
playwrights. In 2002, Lisa Haas and Michelle
Colletti joined forces to provide an environment
for women artists to develop their works. Come out
to Bluestockings and let evolution prosper in this
supportive environment.

Tuesday, March 29th @ 7pm - $3 to $5 Suggested
Reading: Women's Poetry Jam & Open-Mike (at The
Slipper Room)
Featuring: Jean Gallagher and Sarah Antine
Jean Gallagher's poems explore the possibilities
of the first person singular pronoun with voices
belonging to historical figures, mythological
beings, and characters from paintings and
photographs. Sarah Antine's poetry explores the
experiences that shape the landscape of the heart
with desires so sweet they burn. Women's Poetry
Jam is hosted by Vittoria Repetto, the hardest
working guinea butch dyke poet on the lower east
side. Open mike sign-up starts at 7 pm, so come
and deliver (up to) 8 minutes of your poetry,
prose, songs, and spoken word. And remember, this
extra-special poetry jam is being held at Slipper
Room, which is located at 167 Orchard (just around
the corner from Bluestockings) and you must be 21
to enter. I MIGHT BE SPITTING SOME POETRY AT THIS
EVENT, SO WATCH OUT!!!!! I am not 21 but we'll see
what I can do.

Jobs, Applications and a whole bright future

Finishing my culinary application and fitness center research today. Tomorrow I babysit and then I can Start working out , hopefully this weekend. I am also going to the Health expo at the Javits Center to see about what's going on, maybe I can take some massage classes somewhere. I am such a damn gypsy. My friend was right. I just want to travel around, entertaining and cooking and healing people. I am also starting my classes at the Bloomingdale School of Music soon. Man I am going to be everywhere, but I will always make time for those I care about. I am wondering whether to dance to Depeche Mode tomorrow night at Luke and Leroys and to go to see Jill Scott Saturday night. We'll see How I am feeling. I would love a concert, I think the last one I went to was Rufus Wainwright back in August. What else , what else, my sister Irene is coming home this coming Monday and staying for two weeks which is very exciting! I can't wait to see her! I need to get a phone call from the girl who's holding my boxes so I can get these moving people to pick them up. I just want my movies back. I am in the mood to watch "Lucia y el Sexo" and " Habla con ella". Ohhh and I miss my cds as well. Any case let me get these things done, then I have a couple of phone dates with friends and someone with an "F" in their name.

some hip hop influenced poem I wrote

Tune to the sounds
You listeners
Set it in motion
You listeners
One two
One two
Can you hear me?
Do you want to?
It’s the thought
Whoever in listening range
He sky looks strange
In flames
Because sunlight isn’t our only source of light
We’re giving out a message that needs to be heard
You need to be like a drain obsorbing this knowledge
I try to form words
To fit the adversity we go through daily
You’re wondering what to do with that sound
That sound of hands lifting
With fists to the sky
This ain’t a violent movement
It’s just intensity that gets us grooving
It might not be about race in your eyes
But it’s just a lie
Cuz when a girl can’t get a job
Because of the color of her skin
Then your mind is forming visions that aren’t clear
So tune in to the sound
Brothers and sisters
Because this is for Real
There is a movement that is violent
Every time you step outside it surrounds you
We all get hurt
But this movement don’t belong to us
INTENSIFY MY THOUGHTS
MEMORIZING MY WALKS
BUT THEY CAN’T CLAIM
IT BECAUSE
I WAS THE ONE
WHO DROPPED THE SCIENCE